The speaker droned on about life after graduation. It was a typical baccalaureate message, which he delivered well. Unfortunately, I had already heard my share of such talks. On my lap, granddaughter Caroline began to doze. Across the room, somebody coughed, and the graduates shuffled impatiently in their seats. The soft rustle of academic robes provided an accompaniment to the speaker’s serious tone. I’m afraid that’s when my attention drifted.
Like most men, I prefer action to self-reflection, building things to discussing feelings. Descended from generations of hunters and builders, that’s just the way we’re wired. Men are seldom reflective, however, at certain life milestones, such as marriage, the birth of a child, the death of a parent, a health emergency, or a graduation, we can be. So there I was, sitting in that dark auditorium, my mind drifted, and I found myself pondering life. It was the baccalaureate, or perhaps a recent health emergency, maybe both.
Was it really forty-five years ago? It seems that just yesterday I was one of those fresh-faced youth, unaware of the joys and sorrows ahead. I was invincible, impervious, indestructible, and naïve, totally oblivious to real life. In short, I was just like every high school graduate there has ever been.
I have had a successful life, held important jobs and designed critical water and sewer facilities. I am happily married to my high school sweetheart; I’ve raised two bright and successful children, and have five outstanding grandchildren. Indeed my life is blessed. Yet with each promotion, each achievement, came a moment of self-doubt. A brief feeling that I was home playing make-believe with my sisters, playacting at being an adult. I don’t know if this is normal, and truthfully, I don’t care. I suppose it’s just a way for the ego to place each achievement into healthy perspective.
A year after I graduated, the film “The Way We Were” was released. One scene always appealed to me. I suppose on some level, I related to it. In this scene, a Professor reads a story written by Hubbell Gardiner, played by Robert Redford.
“In a way, he was like the country he lived in. Everything came too easily to him, but at least he knew it. About once a month he worried that he was a fraud. But then most everyone he knew was more fraudulent.”
– The Way We Were 1973
Deep down, everyone, regardless of success, has moments of doubt. Moments when our inner child screams, “Wait, I can’t be the boss (or the teacher, or the parent, or the Doctor), I’m just a kid.”
You know what? We were ready, we were qualified, and now we’re adults. All we had to do is admit it to ourselves.
When Gardiner wrote, “Everything came too easily to him,” he didn’t mean that it came without work. Since the movie shows him training and studying like the rest of us, what was meant was that with hard work and preparation, things seemed to come easily. Often my successes appeared to come too easily. Looking back; however, they were the result of years of preparation and the good work of those around me. My parents, who encouraged school success, also encouraged hard work, self-reliance, good manners, belief in God, empathy, and personal responsibility. These traits were so ingrained, that later because I had studied and done my work, success seemed effortless. A phenomenon that repeatedly occurred during my career. Things that appeared to come too effortlessly were actually due to hard work, diligence, and the assistance of those around me. I owe all I have to the traits my parents instilled, to my family, friends, and employees.
Later in the movie, as Redford and Streisand are about to graduate from college, they chance to meet outside a local bar.
Redford suddenly smiles and lifts his glass. “Hey, here’s to commencement.”
Smiling weekly Streisand replies, “A funny word for the end.”
– The Way We Were 1973
For some graduates, commencement marks the end of the only life they have known, the end of childhood – the end of the familiar. On this momentous day, fearing what lies ahead, some cling to the buoy of childhood. For others, commencement marks the beginning of a new life, a life to anticipate, to embrace, to enjoy. I remember well the internal conflict of these viewpoints. Forty-five years on, I urge today’s graduates to adopt the latter view. To embrace their new lives. To rejoice in its uncertainties. It will be a rollercoaster, full of ups and downs, joys and sorrows, but you know what? Every morning the sun will come up, birds will sing, and life will go on.
It may come as a surprise, but how you look at life is simply your choice.
So choose to be happy. Opt to embrace life. Don’t dwell on what has been, look forward to what will be. After all, each new day is a gift.
Open it eagerly, share it with others, and relish in what God has given you.
_________
David L Dahl.
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